Salomon Sideways 3L Jacket

At first glance, i was nervous. Never had i worn anything so bright. More of an acid lemon than yellow, my inner insecurities whispered in my ear, "You're not bold enough to rock that sh*t." I wasn't planning on wearing this to dinner though. Imagine that: I pick you up for a date and show up at your door donning this puppy. Hopefully you're female...but if i'm wearing this to sushi maybe it doesn't matter. Enough day dreaming. This rockstar color fits right in on the slopes. As a matter of fact, i got tons of compliments. It comes in blue and black, if you're scared, but only the scintillating yellow has the one black arm that says "I'm not afraid to eat raw meat" but also "Come here baby."

Now, its freakin hard to find a three layer hard shell with wrist gaiters. Try it. You will fail and you will come back here. "Kiss my feet," i will say. You will wince at the site of the ingrown toenail on my left big toe and i will say "OK no. You don't have to." But the truth remains that we have an anomaly on our hands here folks! Manufacturers think they need to stay true to the 'concept' of a hard shell and shed any creature comforts for the sake of maintaining minimal ism and lighten the load. Well, Salomon says F that! I'm skiing at what's called a resort bitches! Micro grams don't matter. Seriously though, the benefits of being able to wear a sleek under-the-cuff mitt as opposed to huge Neanderthal over-the-cuff mitts greatly outweigh the 4 grams or whatever the material weighs. I will rock this jacket all over the back country too. Trust me. This is a true hard shell and it is light. How much do your big ass mitts weigh? You look stupid while i sip my Red Label with two rocks getting a hand massage from the ladies. ::Angels Singing::

Zipped up for the first time, the neck comes all the way up over my face. I love that shizzle. Can't stand anything covering my face like a balaclava or park rat bandana. I need that deep neck, yo! Breathing in warm air makes me all claustrophobic. I've seriously had total panic attacks on the lift trying to pull my face covering off. "I CAN'T BREATHE! OH GOD!" My friends sit in dismay, holding onto the chair as i shake it violently in my struggles, probably thinking, "What the hell...freak." Not to mention having my saliva rubbing all over my face all day. I'd rather my face not smell like mucus mmmkay. SO, the super high neck of the Sideways relieves us all from having to witness one of my freak outs because i can let my sculpted man jaw fly free while working the pow and tuck my face comfortably into it while waiting for you at the bottom.

The zipper on the powder skirt did fail though. To me, not a biggie given everything else. And yes, style wise, some other brands might look 'cooler', but i've always been a function over fashion kinda guy anyway. It does have one black arm though. Don't forget about that steeze. How does it perform? I will say this: In my two decades of skiing, i have never been more comfortable. That's enough for me. Good night.

I/O Bio Glory Zip

As i am getting older, i find myself transitioning more towards activities that build my body up rather than break it down. Don't get me wrong, i die for clean powder runs, but these days i find myself resort skiing less and partaking in year-round cardiovascular exercise no matter what the temperature. In preparing for a cold weather road bike ride earlier this week, apprehension set in during my internal layering debate. Am i a girl? i don't think so, but i extrapolated three different layering ensembles in front of the mirror before remembering my I/O Bio Glory Zip. Ah ha! This was it! With a hood, thumb holes, 1/4 zip and 160g merino; this was the perfect base layer to be wed with my vented Eider softshell. Going on, clean merino is like a warm soft cozy happy place. Can you think of one? I/O Bio has a patented low torque spindle process and it literally is "the softest merino ever." The fibers feel like you're rubbing baby butt cheeks all over your body. Note: I've never actually rubbed baby butts on myself. It's just a metaphor.

Onto the ride: Speedfill full of Heed, Michelen Lithions pumped to 110, Spinergy Stealths lookin saweeet, active playlist rockin on the Nano and i'm rollin out the driveway onto the scenic Eastern Sierra roadways Galvanizing with the Chemical Brothers. At first, the sun was blazing so i opened my vents and left the hood off. Cruising was casual as always...just like sex with a stranger...but once i got into the climb, my man sweat began to exude. Now this was no small climb. 1800 vetical ft gained in 5.9 miles. That's a Category 1 climb all with my arms folks. (See ride map and climb info HERE). i'm not saying this to brag. i'm saying it because i felt hot. i'm not used to layers during a bike ride, but to my surprise i quickly cooled. The merino must be alive because it was breathing! i sucked my Heed and continued on in complete homeostatic bliss because this garment does what they say it's supposed to.

Before the ensuing adrenaline laden descent, i bundled up. Hood on. Vents closed. Winter gloves donned. Instantly i hit 48mph and the wind bit me. It was 45 degrees but who knew what ghastly wind chill i braved with my man nipples. Consequently, the hero of the day was not my herculean self, but the merino! It seemed to warm with my body about a mile into the descent. What??? It was dry already! Yes, that quickly. I may have lost feeling in most of my face, but my core and body were fine despite the conditions. Honestly, without the hood i would have been bummed.

After my ride, i urinated, made a shake with my beloved Blendtec and walked my dog down to the mailbox where a beautiful little red DVD envelope awaited (you know the feeling). After that i performed some important computer work (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, Google Voice etc.) Then i cracked a delicious beverage my friend sent me from Sweet Water Brewing Co in Atlanta. Try the 420 Extra Pale Ale. O-M-G! Grilled steak, washed dishes, watched movie and was so tired that i just went to bed forgetting that i was still wearing the Glory Zip. I slept deeply.

Well, people, this may sound gross, but is changing your clothes the first thing you do when you wake up? Me neither. Bathroom, coffee, stare blankly out the window and take dog for walk. Then i gotta feed the dog and then i'm hungry too. Cook, eat, dishes, Facebook, Twitter, email...holy shit it's 09:30 and i'm still wearing the Glory Zip! Now i sweat profusely in this thing, slept in it and literally wore it for about a twenty hour period. Did it stink? Not at all. It's perfect. I'm rubbing it on my face right now. Not really, but i would. Seriously, a regular bike jersey or synthetic base layer would stink like rat mouth. Not this supple man garment. I plan on x-country skiing in this bad boy tomorrow. Oh wait! There's a women's version too. O-M-G!