Salomon Sideways 3L Jacket

At first glance, i was nervous. Never had i worn anything so bright. More of an acid lemon than yellow, my inner insecurities whispered in my ear, "You're not bold enough to rock that sh*t." I wasn't planning on wearing this to dinner though. Imagine that: I pick you up for a date and show up at your door donning this puppy. Hopefully you're female...but if i'm wearing this to sushi maybe it doesn't matter. Enough day dreaming. This rockstar color fits right in on the slopes. As a matter of fact, i got tons of compliments. It comes in blue and black, if you're scared, but only the scintillating yellow has the one black arm that says "I'm not afraid to eat raw meat" but also "Come here baby."

Now, its freakin hard to find a three layer hard shell with wrist gaiters. Try it. You will fail and you will come back here. "Kiss my feet," i will say. You will wince at the site of the ingrown toenail on my left big toe and i will say "OK no. You don't have to." But the truth remains that we have an anomaly on our hands here folks! Manufacturers think they need to stay true to the 'concept' of a hard shell and shed any creature comforts for the sake of maintaining minimal ism and lighten the load. Well, Salomon says F that! I'm skiing at what's called a resort bitches! Micro grams don't matter. Seriously though, the benefits of being able to wear a sleek under-the-cuff mitt as opposed to huge Neanderthal over-the-cuff mitts greatly outweigh the 4 grams or whatever the material weighs. I will rock this jacket all over the back country too. Trust me. This is a true hard shell and it is light. How much do your big ass mitts weigh? You look stupid while i sip my Red Label with two rocks getting a hand massage from the ladies. ::Angels Singing::

Zipped up for the first time, the neck comes all the way up over my face. I love that shizzle. Can't stand anything covering my face like a balaclava or park rat bandana. I need that deep neck, yo! Breathing in warm air makes me all claustrophobic. I've seriously had total panic attacks on the lift trying to pull my face covering off. "I CAN'T BREATHE! OH GOD!" My friends sit in dismay, holding onto the chair as i shake it violently in my struggles, probably thinking, "What the hell...freak." Not to mention having my saliva rubbing all over my face all day. I'd rather my face not smell like mucus mmmkay. SO, the super high neck of the Sideways relieves us all from having to witness one of my freak outs because i can let my sculpted man jaw fly free while working the pow and tuck my face comfortably into it while waiting for you at the bottom.

The zipper on the powder skirt did fail though. To me, not a biggie given everything else. And yes, style wise, some other brands might look 'cooler', but i've always been a function over fashion kinda guy anyway. It does have one black arm though. Don't forget about that steeze. How does it perform? I will say this: In my two decades of skiing, i have never been more comfortable. That's enough for me. Good night.